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Munich Exposed – Part 6
- Retro-Pop aus Thailand: Chris Menist im Interview - 20. September 2011
- Thank you for rocking so hard! - 12. April 2011
- Brit Jazz Week – Soweto Kinch and the poetry of jazz - 21. März 2011
Der wöchentliche Blick auf München von außen – oder: a weekly rant of a non-Münchner Mädchen.
Today I imagined what life would be like after leaving Munich. It’s purely hypothetical, of course, but I’m sure I would miss quite a few of the things I momentarily diss. It would be like in the (Brian Ferry version of that) song about foolish things: every time I’d encounter one of my Münchner Madeleines, I should probably find the ghost of the city sweetly clinging to me. I’ve already gathered some involuntary memories and I’d like to share them with you; the items of the that following inventory are neither pleasant nor unpleasant – actually they are quite neutral to you – which makes them very special to me.
I really like lists so I decided to compile a list of 10 foolish things that will always remind me of Munich – 5 for today, 5 for next time. I’m warning you that what you are about to read is full of candy-coated-then-dipped-into-acid (the corrosive kind) wisecracks.
1. Pugs, not drugs
Pugs are definitely the Hello Kitty of Munich. Before walking these streets I was never aware that these squishy face lap dogs could be so overwhelmingly cute and funny. Nor was I aware of what health problems the breeding mutations they suffer can cause. They seem to be the favorite companion of all kinds of local people, but especially the designer bag loving ones. The dog makes a perfect accessory and is also very efficient in case of friendlessness. Some people even have two or three – the more, the scarier.
Another dog-related aspect is the incredible obedience (or ignorance) of most dogs. I’m used to playing with dogs and I have an uncontrollable tendency to act very enthusiastic around every dog I see – I want them to come to me and to let me apprehend them. But they obviously 1. completely hate me 2. are too civilized 3. are simply ignorant. That makes me sad. People seem to like to take them to bars and restaurants (is there any place except for the butchery that they cannot enter?) because it is there you can see how well bred they truly are. Well, I think these are not dogs they are rag dolls. The dogs I was used to had much more personality and they would never quietly sit under a table in a noisy bar – it’s just not natural, is it.
2. Dubbed films/ TV shows
I like Werner Herzog and I like him even more because he (and Kinski) grew up here, in a house on Amalienstrasse. I admire him for his soothing voice and his beautiful German accent. I relate to him as to a brilliant Münchner, as I do to Michael Haneke. I also appreciate them both for moving to other countries and being able to see and enjoy Bayern from a distance.
But this was just a digression from what I really wanted to say about TV and cinemas. Fortunately I don’t watch TV but seriously now, how can you stand the dubbing of everything from sitcoms to classic cinema? And in the film theatres it’s even worse, why would anyone pay money to see Inglorious Basterds, for example, fully dubbed in German. Acting involves speaking, am I right? Speaking involves a voice and preferably your own voice, with its own tones and inflexions and particularities. The brain can perfectly process written words and image at the same time to create a narrative so why do Germans (and not only) prefer this type of cultural trashing?
Oh it makes me so angry.
3. The Warhol craze
If someone will ever ask me where Warhol was from I’ll immediately answer Munich. Because that’s what I’m programmed to do. Funny how the Munich MoMa (I overheard that), the Brandhorst, is such a beautiful museum design-wise yet it is so empty in content. I’m not saying Pop Art is crap, because it is not, especially because Warhol was not the only artist in the movement. Actually I’m just frustrated with the big adoptive spirit of Munich, which manifests itself only when Sotheby’s or someone similar in status fathered the abandoned child. Just like real recognize real, rich recognize rich and the Warhol glaring madness is just another outcome of this, in my opinion.
4. Cosplayers
The Münchner otaku cosplayer, such a rara avis. Like all rarae aves, he/she is opulent, loud, colorful and likes the forest premises. I normally enjoy it when I spot Asians dressed in character costumes on the Internet because they fit the role. It’s their culture so it is obviously normal for them to act manga. When it comes to tall German girls and boys with blonde hair and strong alpine features, cooped up in the mangawear, I don’t know what to think. And why do they gather in the English Garden, somewhere between the Monopteros and the Chinese Tower? Maybe there’s more mana there?
5. Pirates riding the torrents
Most (if not all) Germans don’t download stuff from the Internet. Maybe it’s the word ‘illegal’ you can hear all over the place these days that stops my friends from exploring the ways of Internet piracy. When asked whether they have this or that album or this or that film, they answer ‘I didn’t find the CD/DVD in the shop.’ ‘In the what’, I ask back, appalled, because I’m from a country where the Internet is like photons – elementary, fast and omnipresent. And when I start telling the torrent story their faces illuminate. And then they cloud up again when they realize they will never ever do it. Is it because of the Stasi of the Internet, I ask myself while deleting another 3 gigs of The Office from my Vuze and queuing another season. I like my virtual Gemütlichkeit. And by doing this I refuse to give a single eurocent to America and its money making machines – unlike you.
There, I said it.
And because I don’t want you to be mad at me, did you know that if you say ‘beer can’ with a British English accent you also say bacon with a Jamaican accent?
Next week: David Haselhoff and Max Planck.
To be continued.
PS: The picture is a plastic version of Misty May which stands on a bookshelf in our house and I used it because I couldn’t take good pics of the cosplayers. But I will, some day!
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